Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
