have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
