I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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