we have pet lesbian snakes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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