Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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