Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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