well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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