i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
