just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
