They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
