Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
