This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
