I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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