I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
