I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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