all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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