You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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