He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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