i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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