Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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