Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
