im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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