how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
