Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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