I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
