I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
