i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my being single is dangerous.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
