I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
