It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
