I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
