Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
