You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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