It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My bed is full of blood and feathers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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