just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
