I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
