You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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