why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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