is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
