3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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