I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
