You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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