Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
