I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
