i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
