Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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