New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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