I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
