you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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