Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
