My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
3 2 1 whiskey
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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