I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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