Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
