my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
