hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
